Responsibility and Roles

Recently I took time to think about something I've heard my entire life. "As a man you are responsible for this or it is the man's role to do that. Early as a small boy I was told what was expected of a man by the people who raised me, then as I got older I was told by society in schools, on jobs, at church and once I become a man I being told in my home by my wife.

I have often wondered how does anyone really know what a man's responsibility is or what his roles should be better than the man in question himself. If I had a dollar for each time I've been told by someone else what my responsibility is or what role is mine I would be a rich man.

In my opinion what my responsibility is should be determined by me, I am the one best to determine what I can and can not do. What my role is should also be determined by me. Responsibilities and roles are not gender exclusive, I think the responsibility or role of anyone (male or female) should be determined based on whomever the outcome affects.

If I am better at getting the job at hand done than it should be my responsibility. However if someone else (sister, aunt, grandmother, wife or daughter) is better at it than it should become their responsibility. If I am a better cook should the family starve or eat things that are less than palatable because "it is not my responsibility or role to cook simply because I am a man?

I think responsibilities and roles are shared by all parties involved. Together we should look at what needs to be accomplished, figure out who is the best to make it happen and work together to accomplish it.

As a man I have determined that my responsibility and my role is to do my absolute best at what is needed of me to support the needs of myself and those I love and care most about.

Mans Duty

All my life I life been hearing this thing be a man,thats  a mans duty, a real man wouldn't do that who made these rules anyway ? Does God go around zapping people for doing things that are are not in there gender? Why are men not supposed cry ? When my dad died it hurt just like it would for any human why was it so hard to show that I was sad just wondering why its so sociably accepted for women to be manly but if a male is emotional he's cast Into the pit of hell it seems to me that the average women knows more about being a man than the men themselves so I say be what you are and if people don't like it get a life of your own after all I am just a man.

Motivations

When I made the decision to change my health by eating better, exercising to loose weight. I did what I have always done, I turned to the people closest to me for support.

I knew eating better, exercising to loose weight and become healthier was going to be the hardest thing I've tried to do so far in my life. However, soon after making the decision to change and looking to my support system (the important people in my life) for support, the support was not there. It was then that I realized for the first time that I have an unhealthy dependency on others and their opinions when it comes to making decisions that are important to me. For years, what others think has weighted heavily on whether I went with my decision or dropped it all together.

How did I come to depend on others for the courage to make decisions that affect my life? Now at age 46, I am learning that those closest to you can have such an influence on you that they change your mind, discourage you from doing something that you had previously decided was a good decision.

Now don't get me wrong, I know they (family, friends) mean well but how can the personal responsibility of making a decision for one's self be heavily weighted by what others think? After all, this is my life and I should be the best person to decide how best to live it. When you think about it those same people who deter you from making and sticking with decisions usually have way too much control over your life and very little control over their own.

Recent lesson learned. The ones you love the most are normally the ones that keep you from trying new things. So, I've decided (independently I might add) to take steps to guard my dreams, aspirations from people who will persuade me into not believing in myself, believing in my own capability to make good, sound decisions for myself, by myself. I have also decided to make healthier connections, I'm going to pick and choose people who are good for me and I am going to minimize or reduce my connection to others who are not.

Thanks for reading my blog.

Nate